To unlove somebody...

"How do you unlove a person?"

That's the text I got from my friend earlier today, and I was quite taken aback with his message. I didn't know what to say, and I didn't know exactly what he wanted to hear from me. The text, I concluded, was too vague to elicit a reply. I figured it was one of those "random thoughts" texts that didn't require a response, so I chose not reply. Hours later, I got another text from him saying, "I miss her." It was only at that point that I realized that my friend was having another one of his moments. Sigh. He's missing the girl who broke his heart. My heart went out to him. I wanted to text him something that would help him out of his pain. I know he is hurting right now. After all, he is in love with a person who is in love and is with somebody else. Ouch. I certainly don't want to be in his shoes...

So, I replied to him, "We decide on it, and we hope and pray that we get to stick to our choice."

I don't know if my text helped him, but I didn't know what else to say. I hope my text was as encouraging and optimistic as I wanted to be.

I know my friend's in for one tough battle. To unlove someone is not easy. There are numerous formidable forces (human emotions and memories, to name a few. In his case, 8 years worth of memories. Sigh.) to be dealt with; the reckoning of which is made all the more difficult by the fact that this choice is forced upon my friend by the circumstances that leave him with no other option (he certainly can't put his life on hold while the girl he's in love with is with someone else). The inherent difficulty of the situation makes the possibility of being unable to come out of it victorious all too real (yes, persons who remain hung up with their past loves in spite of so many changes in their lives are not unheard of). At the end of the day, I can only hope for the best for my friend. After all, in situations like this, what can we really do but hope and pray for the best?

The Heart of the Matter

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com/lyric/130612/India.arie+-+The+Heart+Of+The+Matter.html ]
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore
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Originally by Don Henley, but it's the India Arie version that I fell in love with. :-)

The existence of forgetting has never been proved: We only know that some things don't come to mind when we want them.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.
-- Michel de Montaigne


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Soooooooooooooooo true...