Earlier today, I was talking to a friend. He was concerned with the anger that he felt towards his ex. Actually, the whole time we were talking, he kept using the word init (which means hate in our dialect). But I’d like to think that he didn’t mean hate in the truest sense of the word to describe whatever it is he feels for his ex. Knowing my friend, he really didn’t mean hate. I think what he feels is somewhere between anger and hatred. However, for lack of a term, I shall call it anger. I am reserving the word hate for really grave situations like shoulder pads and the tsunami hairstyle from the 80’s. Anything less than that, the word anger will suffice, hate is such a strong word one can’t just throw it around.
Anyway, back to my friend, he was asking me if it is alright for him to feel that way towards someone he loved (he claims he doesn’t love her anymore, for his sake, I hope he’s telling the truth).
I was a bit surprised that he asked me that. Of course, it is alright for him to feel angry. I mean, hello! His heart was broken into tiny little pieces, surely he is entitled to his anger.
What is it about anger that makes us so uncomfortable with it? Anger may bring out the monsters in us, but I've always been a believer that feeling angry is part of a healthy emotional make-up. I think a person who has never felt angry at one point in his life is emotionally-unstable.
I am not advocating angst here, ok? A distinction must be drawn between healthy anger and unhealthy anger. A person who is plain angry, for no apparent reason is emotionally-unstable as well. But for my friend, who had his heart broken by his girlfriend for 8 years, you my dear, are feeling a bit of healthy anger. So yes, it's perfectly fine for you to feel that way towards her. Accept your anger, recognize it's there and deal with it. Hopefully, after a while anger will turn to forgiveness and after that healing will follow. A wise man once told me that the path to healing and forgiving includes anger. I guess it is because of this that feeling angry for a reason and once in a while is part of a good emotional make-up.
To my heartbroken friend, something good will come out of this. Just wait for the silver lining, it will come. :-)
What is it about anger that makes us so uncomfortable with it? Anger may bring out the monsters in us, but I've always been a believer that feeling angry is part of a healthy emotional make-up. I think a person who has never felt angry at one point in his life is emotionally-unstable.
I am not advocating angst here, ok? A distinction must be drawn between healthy anger and unhealthy anger. A person who is plain angry, for no apparent reason is emotionally-unstable as well. But for my friend, who had his heart broken by his girlfriend for 8 years, you my dear, are feeling a bit of healthy anger. So yes, it's perfectly fine for you to feel that way towards her. Accept your anger, recognize it's there and deal with it. Hopefully, after a while anger will turn to forgiveness and after that healing will follow. A wise man once told me that the path to healing and forgiving includes anger. I guess it is because of this that feeling angry for a reason and once in a while is part of a good emotional make-up.
To my heartbroken friend, something good will come out of this. Just wait for the silver lining, it will come. :-)
2 comments:
Anger's much less alarming than numbness. When we cease to feel, then we're really in trouble. Anger is an indication of passion, and so long as your friend progresses from anger to ultimate acceptance, I think he'll be ok.
Well said, ling. I shall tell him that. I really don't get why he's afraid of his anger... Maybe he's still in denial of the hurt the girl caused him. ;-) hehehehe
P.S.
I finally get to log in again. Yahoo! :-)
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