The Eternal Optimist

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaack... :)

2011-01-28T01:36:00.000-08:00

After more than two years of hibernation, I am back. Yes, I’m back and I hope that I won’t hibernate ever again. Seriously. Well, obviously, a lot of time has passed since my last post and with time comes events and with events come changes. So allow me to make a short list of the big changes that have happened in the past few years—

I have bid goodbye to the firm and started a new career as in-house counsel for the Philippine subsidiary of the world’s largest IT company. Leaving the firm was tremendously bittersweet as I really, really love the people there and I thoroughly enjoyed the work. Like most firms, however, the hours were terrible. As such, I decided to leave the firm and opt for an in-house position where the hours are more family friendly. So far, I enjoy my new job, primarily because I get to leave the office by 5pm (yes, I am a 5:01 employee), which allows me to spend more time with my family and friends in my hopes of achieving work-life balance.

Hubby and I are now nine years together (our tenth anniversary is coming pretty soon!) and our little boy is not-so-little anymore. I now have a grade three boy for a son. Gosh. Time really flies.

Of course, being the Ateneo fan that I am, my post will not be complete without mentioning Ateneo’s 3-peat! My dear boys-in-blue have won three consecutive championships! How sweet is that?

So, there. That’s my short list. I hope that in the coming days, I will have lots of reasons to blog.

See you around.

English Genius (?)

2008-07-22T20:18:00.000-07:00

My results of The Commonly Confused Words Test:

ENGLISH GENIUS

You scored 93% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 100% Expert! You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

Ang sarap maging Atenista...

2008-07-08T03:02:00.000-07:00

73-79.

Ang sarap maging Atenista... Lalong lalo na after beating La Salle in basketball. Heeheehee.

I don't get it...

2008-06-19T23:02:00.000-07:00

I don't get it when people get masungit (cranky) when stressed. We all get stressed, so I don't agree that stress is an excuse to snap at people. Isn't the golden rule, do unto others what you want others to do unto you?

7 years already?

2008-06-18T23:52:00.000-07:00

To my dearest Hubby,

This is for you:

"And I don't know
How you show
Such gentle disregard
For the ugly in me
That I see
That for so long
I took so hard
And I truly believe
That you see the best in me
I'm in love, We all love
And that thought sets me free

Free in you
Got no worries on my mind
I know what to do
That's to treat you right
And love you kind
Thank you ever on my mind
Love is just like breathing
When it's true
And I'm free in you
Yes I'm free in you"

- Indigo Girls "Free in You"

Happy 7th Anniversary, Dy! Here's to a lifetime of me being bratty and you being understanding. Hehehe. *mwah*

"Ma'am... Tumataba kayo."

2008-05-09T00:02:00.000-07:00

Earlier today, the messenger from my old office came over to have me sign some documents. The moment he entered the room, his greeting was "Ma'am mukhang di kayo puyat ah. Tumataba kayo!" (Ma'am it doesn't look like you've been burning the midnight oil. You're gaining weight!)

Grrrrr... I hate it when people do that. Filipinos have this nasty habit of making remarks about your weight as a way of greeting. Whether or not it's meant to be a compliment, it's annoying and rude! I've been on the receiving end of all imaginable weight remarks (from "Tumataba ka" to "Ang payat payat mo! Hindi na maganda.") that I can honestly say, all forms of comments relating to weight are off-limits. For most people, weight is a sensitive issue and receiving thoughtless remarks like that can spell the difference between a good day and a bad day.

So a word of advice, unless asked or otherwise authorized, keep weight comments to yourself.

Life in my new firm, Chapter 1

2008-05-04T20:23:00.000-07:00

New things I've done since I started last April 1, 2008:

Go to Kuala Lumpur for the firm's summer outing. This was super fun. Even if the trip was Amazing Race-like (read: no two nights in the same hotel), I had a blast with my new officemates.
Conducted my first ever due-diligence. I had to bring work to Kuala Lumpur just to make sure I can submit my work in time for the deadlines. Despite the long hours, a.k.a. staying in the office 'til 2am, I enjoyed my first ever due diligence mainly because of my teammates who remained calm and composed regardless of the work pressure.
Sleep on the job. Hahaha. One afternoon, at the height of the due-diligence, my body conked out on me (the room was literally spinning.) after enduring days and days of sleep deprivation. Heeding my body's demand, I decided to have a power nap in my office. But... As luck would have it, one of the name partners (his surname is the first surname you'll see in our firm's name) happened to pass by my office and saw me in my uhm... dreamy state. Hahaha. It's a good thing he just made fun of it and simply concluded that I was overworked... Hehehe. Thank goodness for young, hip and understanding bosses! :-)

Well, a little over a month in the firm and so far, so good... :-)

Saying goodbye to my old firm

2008-03-06T19:24:00.000-08:00

On March 14, 2008, I will officially say goodbye to the first law firm I've ever worked in. Thinking about it makes me sad and happy at the same time. While I know that moving to the firm is the wise and best thing to do in terms of my career and family's needs, my affinity for the staff and my fellow associate is certainly making my parting with my current firm a truly bittersweet experience. They, after all, helped and guided me through my tumultuous first year of practice.

To the staff of CPLaw, you will definitely be missed. I hope that the staff in the firm are as wonderful as you are.

Forever a child

2008-02-23T19:31:00.000-08:00

It amazes me that no matter how old we are or how successful we've become, when it comes to our parents, we are still little children. With one disappointing look, our world crumbles. With one seemingly innocent remark, we are clothed in self-doubt.

Note to self: Be very careful with what I say or do to my son. I will never know it will affect him.

Reclaiming Our Humanity by Fr. Manoling Francisco, SJ (Homilist, Mass for Jun Lozada, 17 February 2008)

2008-02-17T21:39:00.000-08:00

RECLAIMING OUR HUMANITY

MASS FOR JUN LOZADA

LA SALLE GYMNASIUM, GREENHILLS

17 FEBRUARY 2008

On this Second Sunday of Lent, during which we are asked to reflect on the Transfiguration of Jesus Christ, I wish to touch on three themes that have to do with our moral transformation as a people: first, Ascertaining Credibility; second, Rediscovering our Humanity; and third, Witnessing to the Truth. In so doing, I hope to invite all of you to reflect more deeply on how we, as a nation, might respond to the present political crisis in which our identity and ethos, our convictions and integrity, in fact, who we are as a people, are at stake.

I. ASCERTAINING CREDIBILITY

Jun, as Sen. Miriam Santiago has grilled you to ascertain your credibility (or was it to undermine your credibility?), allow me to raise some important questions to consider in the very process of discerning your credibility. Allow me to do so by drawing on my own counseling experience.

Very often, a young rape victim initially suppresses his or her awful and painful story, indeed wills to forget it, in the hope that by forgetting, he or she can pretend it never happened. But very often, too, there comes a point when concealing the truth becomes unbearable, and the desperate attempts to supposedly preserve life and sanity become increasingly untenable.

At this point the victim of abuse decides to seek help. But even after having taken this step, the victim, devastated and confused, will tell his or her story with much hesitation and trepidation. It should be easy to imagine why. In telling the truth, one risks casting shame on himself or herself, subjecting oneself to intense scrutiny and skepticism, and jeopardizing one’s safety and those of his or her loved ones, especially when one dares to go up against an older or more powerful person.

Similarly, it is easy to imagine why Jun would initially refuse to challenge the might of Malacanang. Who in his or her right mind would accuse Malacanang of crimes against our people and implicate the First Family in a sordid tale of greed and corruption, knowing that by doing so, one endangers one’s life and the lives of his or her loved ones? We are, after all, living in dangerous times, where the government has not hesitated to use everything in its power to keep itself in power, where it has yet to explain and solve the numerous cases of extra-judicial killings.

But Jun is in his right mind. His story rings true especially in the face of the perils that he has had to face. And by his courage, Jun has also shown that it is not only that he is in his right mind; his heart is also in the right place.

Hence, my personal verdict: Jun, I believe that you are a credible witness. And if hundreds have gathered here this morning, it is probably because they also believe in you. Mga kapatid, naniniwala ba kayo kay Jun Lozada? Naniniwala ba kayo sa kanyang testimonya? Kung gayon, palakpakan po natin ang Probinsyanong Intsik, si Mr. Jun Lozada.

Jun, we hope that by our presence here, you may find some consolation. Pope Benedict XVI writes that “con-solatio” or consolation means “being with the other in his or her solitude, so that it ceases to be solitude.” Jun, be assured that your solitude is no longer isolation as we profess our solidarity with you. Hindi ka nag-iisa. We are committed to stay the course and to do our best to protect you and your family and the truth you have proclaimed.

II. REDISCOVERING OUR HUMANITY

What makes Jun a credible witness to us?

I think Jun is credible not simply by virtue of his being an eyewitness to the unmitigated greed of some of our public officials. Perhaps more importantly, Jun is credible because he has witnessed to us what it means to be truly human.

Which leads me to my second theme: What does it mean to be human? How might we rediscover our humanity?

Allow me to quote Pope Benedict XVI, who in his latest encyclical, Spe Salvi, has written: “the capacity to accept suffering for the sake of goodness, truth and justice is an essential criterion of humanity, because if my own well-being and safety are ultimately more important than truth and justice, then the power of the stronger prevails, then violence and untruth reign supreme. Truth and justice must stand above my comfort and physical well-being, or else my life becomes a lie. . . For this … we need witnesses—martyrs …. We need them if we are to prefer goodness to comfort, even in the little choices we face each day.”

Our Holy Father concludes, “the capacity to suffer for the sake of the truth is the measure of humanity.”

Isn’t this the reason we emulate our martyrs: Jose Rizal, Gomburza, Evelio Javier, Macli-ing Dulag, Cesar Climaco and Ninoy Aquino? They have borne witness for us what it means to be truly human—to be able to suffer for the sake of others and for the sake of the truth.

I remember Cory recalling a conversation she had with Ninoy while they were in exile in Boston. Cory asked Ninoy what he thought might happen to him once he set foot in Manila. Ninoy said there were three possibilities: one, that he would be rearrested and detained once more in Fort Bonifacio; two, that he would be held under house arrest; and three, that he would be assassinated.

“Then why go home?” Cory asked.

To which Ninoy answered: “Because I cannot allow myself to die a senseless death, such as being run over by a taxi cab in New York. I have to go home and convince Ferdinand Marcos to set our people free.”

Witnessing to one’s deepest convictions, notwithstanding the consequences, is the measure of our humanity. Proclaiming the truth to others, whatever the cost, is the mark of authentic humanity.

Jun, we know you have feared for your life and continue to do so. But in transcending your fears for yourself and your family, you have reclaimed your humanity. And your courage and humility, despite harassment and calumniation by government forces, embolden us to retrieve and reclaim our humanity tarnished by our cowardice and complicity with sin in the world. You have inspired us to be true to ourselves and to submit to and serve the truth that transcends all of us.

III. WITNESSING TO THE TRUTH

This leads us to our third and last theme: witnessing to the truth. In his encyclical, Pacem in Terris, Pope John XXIII exhorts that it is the fundamental duty of the government to uphold the truth: “A political society is to be considered well-ordered, beneficial and in keeping with human dignity if it grounded on truth.” Moreover, the encyclical explains that unless a society is anchored on the truth, there can be no authentic justice, charity and freedom.

Every government is therefore obliged to serve the truth if it is to truly serve the people. Its moral credibility and authority over a people is based on the extent of its defense of and submission to the truth. Insofar as a government is remiss in upholding the truth, insofar as a government actively suppresses the truth, it loses its authority vested upon it by the people.

At this juncture, allow me to raise a delicate question: At what point does an administration lose its moral authority over its constituents?

First, a clear tipping point is the surfacing of hard evidence signifying undeniable complicity of certain government officials in corruption and injustice, evidence that can be substantiated in court.

Hence, during the Marcos Regime, the manipulation of Snap Election results as attested to by the tabulators who walked out of the PICC was clear evidence of the administration’s disregard for and manipulation of the collective will of the people in order to remain in power..

During the Erap Administration, the testimony of Clarissa Ocampo, claiming that Pres. Erap had falsified Equitable Bank documents by signing as Jose Velarde, was the smoking gun that triggered the rage of our people.

Allow me to respond to the same question by pursue an alternative track of argument: an administration loses it moral authority over its people when it fails in its fundamental duty to uphold the truth, when it is constituted by an ethos of falsehood. When a pattern of negligence in investigating the truth, suppressing the truth and harassing those who proclaim the truth is reasonably established, then a government, in principle, loses its right to rule over and represent the people.

Regarding negligence: Do the unresolved cases, such as the failed automation of the national elections, the fertilizer scam, the extra-judicial killings, and the “Hello, Garci” scandal, constitute negligence on the part of the GMA Administration to probe and ferret out the truth?

Regarding covering-up the truth: Does the abduction of Jun Lozada and the twisting and manipulation of his narrative by Malacanang’s minions constitute concealment of the truth? Was the padlocking of the office of Asst. Gov’t Counsel Gonzales who testified before the Senate regarding the North Rail project anomaly an instance of covering-up the truth?

Regarding the suppression of the truth: Does the issuance and implementation of E.O. 464, which prevents government officials from testifying in Senate hearings without Malacanang’s permission, constitute suppression of the truth? Was the prevention of AFP Chief of Staff Gen. Senga and six other officers from testifying before the Senate with regard the “Hello, Garci” scandal tantamount to a suppression of the truth? Was disallowing Brig. Gen. Quevedo, Lt. Col Capuyan and Lt. Col. Sumayo from appearing before the Lower House an instance of hindering the truth from surfacing?

And regarding harassment of those who proclaim the truth: Are the abduction of Jun Lozada and the decision to court-marshal Gen. Gudani and Col. Balutan for disregarding Malacanang’s order not to testify before the Senate examples of punishing those who come forth to tell the truth?

By conflating one’s responses to all these questions does one arrive not at hard evidence showing culpability on the part of some government officials, but a gestalt, an image which nonetheless demands our assessment and judgment. I invite all of you then to consider these two methods of evaluating and judging the moral credibility of any government, the moral credibility of our present government.

Allow me to end with a few words about an Ignatian virtue, familiaritas cum Deo. To become familiar with God involves the illumination of the intellect, coming to know who God is and what God wills. But it also involves the conversion of the affect, the reconfiguration of the heart. Becoming familiar with God entails transforming and conforming my thinking, my feeling and my doing in accordance to the Lord’s, which can only be the work of grace.

Familiarity with God thus entails rejoicing in what God delights—the truth; abhorring what God detests—falsehood; being pained by what breaks the heart of God—the persecution of truth-seekers. Familiarity with God means sharing the passion of God for the truth and the pathos of God whenever the truth and the bearers of truth are overcome by the forces of the lie.

On this Second Sunday of Lent, as we contemplate the transfiguration of Jesus Christ on Mount Horeb, we pray that our hearts and minds be so transfigured and so conformed to the mind, heart and will of the Jesus, our way, our life, and our truth.

May the Lord bless and protect you, Jun, and your family. May the Lord bless and guide us all into the way of truth. Amen.

*******
Got this from the multiply site of my dear friend, Ernald. Just have to share it with you.
http://ernaldsj.multiply.com/journal/item/9/RECLAIMING_OUR_HUMANITY_Fr._Manolings_Homily_at_the_Mass_for_Jun_Lozada_LSGH

Happy Valentine's, indeed

2008-02-14T22:40:00.000-08:00

On Valentine's day, I received a call which transformed an otherwise boring and uneventful day to one of the best days of my life... The managing partner of the firm called me and offered the job to me. Woooohoooooooo! Of course, I immediately accepted the offer. Now isn't the time to be demure and pakipot, hehehe. :-)

Next on my to-do list: tendering my resignation letter on Monday.

Wish me luck! :-)

Firm shift?

2008-01-27T21:46:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago, after much deliberation, I finally had the courage to submit my application to the Firm I want to work in and last Friday, I received a text message from the managing partner that they have scheduled me for an interview on February 1. I am overwhelmed with emotions right now. A part of me can't help but feel excited with the possibility of a new, and hopefully better, working environment. On the other hand, there's a part of me that's holding back. The possibility of rejection is all too real. After all, I applied with the Firm when I was an underbar and they did not hire me. *sob, sob*

Well, if the Firm decides to hire me, eh di good. If not, well, I better send out my application to other firms. At the end of the day, I know I have to leave the firm I'm currently in, it's just a question of when.

Wish me luck, people. :-)

Momzilla

2007-11-11T20:42:00.000-08:00

Since we enrolled our little boy in the Ateneo Football Center (AFC) training program, my hubby and I have gotten used to spending our Saturday and Sunday mornings (early at that!) in the Ateneo football field. Like other parents, we watch and cheer as our little boys (and girls) learn to play football. It's been almost six months since we started dragging our butts to Ateneo every weekend and we've gotten familiar with the people we effectively spend our weekend mornings with.

Last Sunday, while we were watching our son train, my husband calmly concluded that he's seen it all. Here's why.

During the last AFC Football Festival, my son got teamed with this kid (the kid) who plays really good football. Prior to the Festival, My hubby and I observed that this kid, while he was really good at playing football, also had an attitude problem. During training, when his teammates don't pass the ball, he would yell, "Pass it to me!" Sometimes the kid would outrightly defy their coach and say no to whatever the coach asked him to do. Hubby and I just dismissed him as a brat... That is, until we saw his Mom...

My son's team reached the championship match for the last Football Festival. During the said game, I was standing (yes, standing! The game was exciting, ok?) beside the goal together with another mom from my son's football team and we cheered our lungs out for our sons' team. Even if our sons eventually lost the championship game (which was decided based on penalty kicks), we were damned proud of our boys!

It was under these circumstances that I first "encountered" the kid's Mom. She was standing at the opposite side of the goal with a friend of her's. While the game was going on, she would yell "J*****N, go after the ball!!! Kung hindi, wag ka na lang maglaro!" This she bellowed while she had her hands on her hips (yes, that menacing stance...) When her son followed her orders, she would proudly tell her friend that her methods work ("Konting sindak lang yan." with matching eyebrow movement). During waterbreaks, when most moms would wipe the sweat off their sons' backs, she would be barking orders at her young son, telling him what to do when the game resumes. I just labeled her as a "hardcore" football mom, and I thought I saw the worst of it during the Football Festival. Boy, was I wrong.

Last Sunday, during waterbreak, hubby and I watched in shock as she dragged (tugged, or whatever you call it) her crying six-year old son off the field. A few minutes later, we saw her approach the AFC table, talk to the AFC staff and hand in her receipt. Her reason? We don't know. We can only guess. But whatever her reason was, it's definitely not worth humiliating her little boy like that in public.

First and last...

2007-09-26T02:21:00.000-07:00

This is the first and the last time I will ever talk about this. I've kept my silence all this time in an effort to protect all the parties involved. More than a year has passed, and I've kept mum about this. But it seems that in this case, keeping silent is not the best way to go. I've had enough. I've heard and read enough, to finally speak up and put an end to this nonsense.

First and foremost, I am not doing this simply because it is my sister involved. God knows my sister and I have had our fair share of fights and misunderstandings. And I am not the type to tolerate her crap. Simply put, when my sister's not in the right, you can bet your ass I'd give her an unedited piece of my mind (yes, I've done this already). That being said, I can now go on and give a piece of my mind to this person who has been unabashedly writing about my sister.

To the person who keeps on writing about my sister's alleged betrayal, please, please wake up and see things as they are... YOU'RE SCREWED UP! You claim that my sister betrayed you when she didn't tell you that your fiance had doubts about marrying you. Duh! How conveniently you forget your hysterics in B*B's restaurant, when my sister, out of loyalty to you, calmly told you about your fiance's issues. Decent, mentally stable human beings would have the self-control not to do that, you know. But not you... You are so unstable that you proceeded to scream, curse and cry out in public, after my sister calmly explained to you what your fiance told her. Despite that, again, out of loyalty to you, my sister refused to talk to your fiance about your issues and actually referred your fiance to a marriage counselor for proper counseling. So please, tell me... Where is the betrayal there?

You know, girl, life is what you make it. If you want to put the blame on the world for the failure of your marriage, then that's your choice. Choose to be bitter and live in bitterness. It has been over a year and still you can't stop talking about your failed marriage. You want to know why it didn't work out between you and your husband (who out of weakness decided to push through with the wedding)? It's simple. ANG SAMA NG UGALI MO! You're too screwed up to be capable of loving another human being. That's why. How can you blame everybody else when you're the one abusing your husband? You're the one who physically attacks him when you fight, and yet you're not to blame?! COME ON!!! Granted your husband was a bit of a wuss in continuing with the wedding, but hey, you can't blame the guy... After all, you would have probably chased him with a bolo had he called off the wedding. Wake up, girl. YOU ARE TO BLAME, too. If you can't admit that fact then you'll never move on, and you'll continue living in bitterness. Oh and one last thing, NOBODY, AS IN NO ONE, BELIEVES THAT YOU'RE HAPPY. You can blog about it all you want, you can ramble about how you've moved on and so on, but trust me, nobody believes you... So please, stop writing about my sister. She didn't cause the meltdown of your marriage, you did...

Bakit masarap maging Atenista?

2007-09-26T02:08:00.000-07:00

It’s not easy to pass the ACET. Even if you’re 6’5” and have a mean hook shot.
Our campus is gorgeous.
When we say “hell week”, we mean “HELL week”… and we always survive.
Thanks to countless Philo oral exams and papers, we can BS our way out of anything.
We know the gratification that comes with getting an A from a Jesuit teacher. Or even just a B.
Meron.
Our patron saint’s leg was broken by a cannonball, but it didn’t break his spirit.
We get to yell “Win or lose, it’s the school we choose!” every time we sing our school song.
Even our least respectable course is still a hell of a lot better than “Sports Management”.
La Salle jokes are really, really funny.
When people ask what school you’re from and you answer “Ateneo”, they get a look on their faces that says “wow”.
Magis.
We can sit through tediously long and unbearably hot graduation ceremonies with smiles on our sweaty faces.
Our diplomas are impressively ginormous, and printed in Latin.
The Placement Office helps us land good jobs after graduation.
The Alumni Office sends us letters for our birthdays, Easter, and Christmas every year.
Our good teachers stay, and many are still around up to now.
No matter how many years have passed since graduation, Loyola Heights always feels like home.
We always give everything ONE BIG FIGHT.
It’s not that we’re better than everyone else. It’s just that we couldn’t imagine being anything else other than Atenean.

*****
by my dear friend, and fellow Blue Eagle fan, Aileesa Lim, (BSLM 2001).

The $uperficial

2007-09-13T22:56:00.000-07:00

This is a rant. I am utterly disgusted, so please bear with me...

I don't understand how some people can think that spewing out mean words is cute. I don't get it. I just don't. Don't get me wrong, I can be pretty superficial myself. But geez... Some people can be mean, just plain mean. Case in point, after a reunion-of-sorts lunch with a bunch of my classmates, a classmate of mine approached a female classmate and oh-so-casually says "You should think about growing your hair, the highlights aren't working for you." WOW. What a way to say goodbye. And to think they aren't even close. I mean, what the heck, right? Then I found out this same person said this to another classmate who had just broken up with her boyfriend, "Hay ******, I'm glad you broke up with your boyfriend, 'coz I can't even bear to look at the guy's face. Didn't you notice? I don't look at him." GOD! The boyfriend this person was referring to happens to be a really nice guy who was utterly devoted to his girlfriend. So nice, in fact, that my friend (the one whose hair got "criticized") and I are hoping for a reconciliation. Even more annoying is the fact that the boyfriend isn't ugly or horrible looking at all. But hey, as far as this superficial person's concerned, that doesn't matter because apparently the boyfriend's looks are not are not at par with the superficial's standards. Am I overreacting? Please, tell me, 'coz I am seriously annoyed with this guy.

Your Face Tomorrow, 1: Fever and Spear

2007-08-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

"It's shocking how easily we replace the people we lose in our lives, how we rush to cover any vacancies, how we can never resign ourselves to any reduction in the cast of characters without whom we can barely go on or survive, and how, at the same time, we all offer ourselves up to fill vicariously the empty places assigned to us, because we understand and partake of that continuous universal mechanism of substitution, which affects everyone and therefore us too, and so we accept our role as poor imitations and find ourselves surrounded by more and more of them."

Javier Marias

**********
Another one of them brilliant writers. Galing magsulat! Hay. I can't wait to read his books. Thanks to Marco for sharing this.

My Immortal

2007-08-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

I live for moments like this...

2007-07-17T22:19:00.000-07:00

Every time I find my little boy awake before I leave for work, I usually kiss and hug him before I say goodbye. Normally, this annoys him as my kiss-and-hug isn't your normal kiss and hug routine, it's actually more like a kiss-kiss-hug-kiss-kiss-kiss-really-tight-hug-kiss-an-even-tighter-hug routine. His reaction notwithstanding, I do that to him every time I say goodbye.

This morning, my little boy was preparing for his bath when I went up to him and said my usual goodbye. As I was walking away from the bathroom, I heard my little boy call out "Mommy!", so I looked back and saw him running towards me, arms outstretched. His yaya who was walking behind him said, "Ate, gusto pa daw ng lambing." I gladly yielded to his request and hugged him. After hugging him, my little boy gave me a kiss on the cheek... Haaaaaay, bliss!

After that, I stood up and he walked away from me, towards the bathroom. He had taken just a few steps when I heard him call out again, "Mommy!" I turned to see him, and I saw him walking towards me, with his lips puckered (What a sight that was!)... Again, I gladly gave in to his request and planted a kiss on his lips, coupled with an extra tight hug. After my kiss and hug, he happily walked towards the bathroom. While doing so, he kept on blowing me kisses and repetitiously said "Ba-bye! Ba-bye! See you later, ma!" until I was out of his sight... Haaaay. The joy of it all. Moments like this just goes to show that life is good, indeed. :-)

Awwwww...

2007-07-15T19:43:00.000-07:00

"You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
0r you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

-- David Harkins

**********
Grief, as in all other things in life, is a matter of choice. :-)

2007-07-10T00:50:00.000-07:00

You Are 56% Vain

You're a little vain, but more than anything you have a healthy amount of confidence.
Thinking the world of yourself is great. Just don't think less of those who aren't as pretty as you!

How Vain Are You?

7.7.7.

2007-07-08T01:01:00.000-07:00

My nephew, Gabriel Santino gets baptized, and I get to be one of the ninangs! :-) To my nephew/godson, Welcome to the Christian World! :-)

UAAP Season 70 opening, and arch-rival DLSU Green Archers are back (I bet with a lot of vengeance, after their "forced" [heeheehee] rest from the league). I just hope our beloved Blue Eagles will put up a good fight against the Archers. (This I say with a lot of hope, prayers and optimism considering the massive loss the team has suffered in the persons of JC Intal, Macky Escalona and Doug Kramer.) To my dear Blue Eagles, ONE BIG FIGHT!

Sherwin and Astrid gets married, and we get to feast on unlimited Roast Calf (of course, other dishes were served, but the roast calf was soooooo delicious, I can't even remember what those other dishes are!), beer, cocktails (it was an open bar, after all) and lots of hilarious stories from the 4C boys (it's hard to believe they're actually a bunch of 30 year old men!) To Wonwon and A, Congratulations and Best Wishes! :-)

To everyone, Happy 7.7.7.! ;-)

Ngayon at Kailanman

2007-07-06T03:32:00.000-07:00

Ngayon at kailanman
Sumpa ko’y iibigin ka
Ngayon at kailanman
Hindi ka na mag-iisa
Ngayon at kailanman
Sa hirap ko ginhawa ka
Asahan may kasama ka sinta
Naroroon ako t’wina
Maaasahan mo t’wina
Ngayon at kailanman

Dahil kaya sa ‘yo ng maitadhanang
Ako’y isilang sa mundo
Upang sa araw-araw ay siyang makapiling mo
Upang ngayon at kailanman
Ikaw ay mapalingkuran hirang
Bakit labis kitang mahal
Pangalawa sa Maykapal
Higit sa ‘king buhay

Sa bawat araw ang pag-ibig ko sa ‘yo liyag
Lalong tumatamis, tumitingkad
Bawat kahapon ay daig nitong bawat ngayon
Na daig ng bawat bukas

Malilimot ka lang
Kapag ang araw at bituin ay di na matanaw
Kapag tumigil ang daigdig at di ‘na gumalaw
Subalit isang araw pa matapos ang mundo’y nagunaw na
Hanggang doon magwawakas pag-ibig kong sadyang wagas
Ngayon at kailanman

Labis kitang mahal (ngayon at kailanman)
Langit may kasama ka (ngayon at kailanman)
Ngayon at kailanman

*********

definitely one of the best Filipino love songs ever. :-)

Random Thought and Rant

2007-07-04T01:37:00.001-07:00

Random Thought

Earlier today, I received a rather passionate text from my friend. Instead of sharing his sentiments, I couldn't help but be amused. Here's the story. While he was surfing the net (more like snooping actually), he chanced upon the blog (or something like that. Hehehe.) of his ex's current beau. While going through this, he found out that the current beau uses the same pet name my friend coined for his ex. My friend feels betrayed (hence, the slew of rather passionate text messages).

I kind of see where his anger is coming from, after all, it has been barely 4 months since the break-up. Nonetheless, I cannot help but get amused. Is there an unwritten rule among exes nowadays that prohibits the recycling of pet names? Are pet names automatically copyrighted? :-) Haha. My friend keeps on saying that I'm missing the point, that the whole thing is about respect for what they had, and for what they shared. Isn't is amusing to see how something so trivial can bring about so much Freudian psychoanalysis? Ahhh... The joys of human relations. Hehehe.

I think my friend is over-analyzing things. I honestly don't think his ex is the type to analyze the implications of recycling pet names. I can even bet my ass his ex doesn't give a damn about how special their past is or whatnot. What does he expect from a person who jumped into another relationship eight (8) friggin' days after their break-up? This person did not even dignify their break-up, I seriously doubt if he'd fuss over the re-use of my friend's pet name. Hay, to my friend, there are just some battles not worth fighting... :-)

Rant

This had my blood pressure rise.

Scenario: Me, sandwiched between girl A and girl B while having dinner.
Girl A: B, do you remember what you said to your boyfriend yesterday night? (Note: I wasn't with them that night)
Girl B: Uhm no...
Girl A: OMG. You were such a bad girlfriend.
Girl B: Why? What did I say?
Girl A: Uhm...
(looks at me)
Hay naku, let's talk about it later na lang... Basta you were so bad.
Girl B: What did I say nga? I don't think it was that bad.
Girl A: Remind me later na lang... Later na. Basta it was bad.

Yes. I was in the middle of that conversation. And it was so hard not to face Girl A and ask, you want me to leave so that you can continue with your supposedly "private conversation"? Geez! If I wasn't supposed to know what she was talking about, then she shouldn't have brought it up in my presence. I'm probably overreacting but I hate it when people do that. I think it's really rude. I'm a believer that if a matter is private then it shouldn't be brought up in front of people who are not supposed to hear or know about it. Isn't that a fundamental rule in human relations?!

My Brain is 73% Female, 27% Male

2007-07-02T21:34:00.000-07:00

Your Brain is 73% Female, 27% Male

Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Survey from Joan and Jae

2007-07-02T19:20:00.000-07:00

1] What was the highlight of your week?

Highlights of my week:
a) Dinner at In-yo with Wei and my hubbywubby. (suuuuuuuuuper delicious food! As in... The steak and the mango pavlova are to die for.)
b) Ateneo football weekend with my boys.
c) TRANSFORMERS!!! :-)

2] Whose car were you in last?
Our family's.

3] When is the next time you will kiss someone?
Later, when I get home from work.

4] What color shirt are you wearing?
White. (I loooooove white!)

5] How long is your hair?
Just below my shoulders.

8] Last movie you watched?
TRANSFORMERS! My friend told me it's a trilogy, now I can't wait for the 2 other movies.

9] Last thing you ate?
Tocino, egg and rice for breakfast.

10] Last thing you drank?
Water. Had to take Decolgen, I'm feeling a bit under the weather today.

11] Where did you sleep last night?
Our bed.

13] Are you happy right now?
I could be happier. :-)

14] What did you say last?
"Joseph, magkakasakit ata ako today."

15] Where is your phone?
Inside my bag. :-)

16] What was the last museum you went to?
Errrr... Gawd. I forget. It's been that long.

17] What color are your eyes?
Dark brown. (That's what my passport says!)

19] Who came over last?
Troy came over yesterday for his interview. ;-)

20] When was the last time you had your heart broken?
Next question please... Hahaha. :-)

21] Who/what do you hate/dislike currently?
Nothing, and no one at the moment. I'm all for positivity. Nurturing dislike for anything is not healthy.

22] What are you listening to?
The sound of silence.

23] If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Materially speaking, LV speedy 25. On a much deeper and profound plane, happiness.

24] What is your favorite scent?
Annick Goutal's Eau de Hadrien. I am soooo in love with this scent.

25] Who makes you happiest right now?
My boys and my dearest friends.

26] What were you doing at midnight last night?
I was fast asleep. I was dead to the world by 930pm.

30] Are you left-handed?
Nope.

32] What's for dinner tonight?
It depends. If dinner time catches me in the office, most likely Jollibee. If not, whatever's prepared at home.

35] When Is Your Birthday?
11.28.80

36] Who was the last person to send you a text message?
I think it was Toie Bear.

37] When was the last time you went to a swimming pool?
Holy week last year. :-)

39] Where was the last place you went shopping?
Mango! I bought a pair of pants from Mango last, last Friday (tagal na!!!)

40] How do you feel about your hair right now?
It needs hot oil treatment.

41] Do you have any expensive jewelry?
Yep, mostly gifts from mi mama.

42] AIM or MSN?
Neither, YM! :-)

46] Where does most of your family live?
My parents are in Bacolod. My siblings are in Manila. My boys and I are also in Manila.

47]Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
I have 2 siblings. I'm the middle child. :-)

48] Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
Sa parents hindi. Sa hubby ko, oo, spoiled, big time.

49] What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
Shet! Lapit na deadline ng Memorandum for Puratos.

50] Do you drink beer?
Nope. I don't like the taste of beer.

52] Myspace or Facebook?
Facebook.

53] Do you have T-Mobile?
Nope.

54] What is your favorite subject in school?
English in Grade School, Araling Panlipunan for High School, Marketing and Philosophy for College, Persons and Civ for Law School... ;-)

57] Do you have any talents?
None that I know of... Hehehe.

58] Have you ever been in a wedding?
Yep. My own, included. :-)

59] Do you have any children?
I have an adorable son named Joaquin Alfonso. He's our pride and joy.

60] Did you take a nap today?
Too early to take a nap.

63] Do you want to be famous one day?
Famous? Nah. Not really.

65] Are you multitasking right now?
Of course! I'm drafting a memo, reading through transcripts and doing this survey.

66] Could you handle being in the military?
Nope. Wala akong disiplina.

67] What is your average cell phone bill?
Hmmm... 2K ata.

68] Do you believe in Karma?
Yep. Definitely.

72] Ever been to Las Vegas?
Nope.

73] What are you doing today?
Everything in my to-do list.

74] Have you ever been gambling?
Yep, I've wasted money on slot machines! Hehehe.

75] When is the last time you updated your blog?
June 19.

76] Have you been to New York City?
Not yet. :-)

77] Ever been to Disneyland/world?
Nope.

78] Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
Ariel, the little mermaid.

79] Last thing you cooked?
Pomodoro Pasta and Prime Rib. :-)

82] Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
threw it in a fit. -- same here.

83] Last time you were sick?
I'm not feeling well today. :-(

84] Friend that makes you laugh the hardest?
Atty. Mike Acaban! Power of four! The LMgirls lalo na pag kasama si Inggo. Hehehe. :-)

Collection of Quotes from Toie Bear

2007-06-22T00:55:00.000-07:00

The messenger just left to submit a relatively important pleading to the CTA (yes, CTA na naman!) So, I am on a self-imposed break... I don't want any brain activity for the next hour, so instead of updating my blog with original works I am posting a bunch of quotes (my opinion on the said quotes notwithstanding) I received from my dear friend and blockmate, Toie. ;-)

"I guess once you love someone and admit it, there's no crossing back, it's a line that will forever stay embedded deep within your heart. Because once you have loved that someone, it doesn't go away. You're forced to care and though how much you wish to prevent it, deep inside--you know he or she will always be special."

"If we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call 'fatum', what we currently refer to as DESTINY" -- From the movie Serendipity

"When someone really loves you, they will never hurt you and if they do, you'll see that in their eyes, they are hurting too." -- Spiderman

"You do anyting for the ones you love, even if it means risking your own freedom, letting your guard down, exposing you bare, and making you an easy target. It doesn't mean you're weak, you're just strong enough to stand and fight for the people you care for." --Sandman

"The tough thing about following your heart is what people forget to mention, that sometimes your heart takes you to places you shouldn't be, places that are scary as they are exciting, and as dangerous as they are alluring. And sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to a happy ending. And that's not the difficult part. The difficult part is when you follow your heart, you leave the normal, you go into the unknown and once you do, you can never go back."

"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated." (Painfully true...)

"Setting someone free is the hardest thing to do. It's not the tears you cried that makes it so hard, but the small piece of hope left inside your heart that someday you'll still end up together."

"It's easy to understand that someone in the world awaits you, whether it's in the middle of the desert or in some great city. And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one's dream would have no meaning." -- Paulo Coelho

Eau de Hadrien

2007-06-19T22:15:00.001-07:00

Eau de Hadrien by Annick Goutal

I absolutely love Eau de Hadrien by Annick Goutal... The scent is so light and refreshing, I can't get enough of it. :-) Sooooooooo, imagine my delight when I opened my gift last night and found out it was an Annick Goutal Eau de Hadrien coffret (set of perfume, shower gel and body lotion... Perfect for scent layering!) Thanks so much, da! I love the gift to bits! I can't wait to use it... :-)

An ATM booth moment

2007-06-19T17:00:00.000-07:00

When: Two nights ago

Where: Metrobank ATM booth somewhere in Makati

What: After my withdrawal, while I was fixing my wallet, I accidentally dropped one of the Five Hundred Peso bills I withdrew. Since I was alone, and in a very small confined space, I didn't feel the need to pick up the bill right away. I was thinking that my bill won't go anywhere. So I took my time fixing my wallet (my red, Fino wallet which I absolutely love as it was given to my by a really cute guy on my birthday *wink*). After that, I looked at the floor to find my bill, but it was nowhere in sight... I was in corporate attire (read: black wide legged trousers, collared blouse and green stiletto pumps), so I tried to look for my bill as dignified and as poised as I can. However, my efforts at finding my bill in a dignified and poised manner proved to be futile, as my bill was absolutely nowhere in sight! At that point, I thought, CRAP! Might as well look for my precious bill with diligence, so I went down on all fours and looked for my bill... As I was searching for my bill on all fours, I heard a soft tap on the door... I looked behind me and saw a guy, also in corporate attire (Yes! Behind me, meaning my ass was facing him... Hehehe.) I quickly stood up and opened the ATM door booth, the guy asked "Are you ok?" I told him I was fine and that I was just looking for a Five Hundred Peso bill that seemingly disappeared in the ATM booth. He grinned then told me, "Oh, ok! I thought you slipped." Mr. Corporate Attire then offered to help me using his small flashlight, with matching hirit "Cute pa ang flashlight ko."

We then looked for my bill together (This time, of course, I was standing up. Hehehe.) Fortunately, Mr. Corporate Attire found my bill hidden under the steel railings. Whew! Buti na lang! :-) I thanked Mr. Corporate Attire and left the ATM booth happily. (As an aside, Mr. Corporate Attire noticed and complimented my green stilettos... Cute daw! Hehehe.)

To Mr. Corporate Attire, thanks for the help! There should be more people like you roaming the streets of Manila. :-)

Worst week at work so far

2007-06-15T03:46:00.000-07:00

I survived this week! Boy, am I extra thankful for this fact. This being the week when I committed my worst-ever professional blunders (hopefully this will be the last!).

First blunder, I totally forgot about a Memorandum (a pleading you submit to the court which basically summarizes the entire case, i.e. one hell of an important pleading!) due on June 14. This is how it happened: The associate who handled the case before me (Damned tax case at that!) handed me her draft three (3) weeks before the deadline, but I was too busy with my other work that I never bothered to check it or browse though it (Yes! Stupid of me! I knoooooooow). Then came the evening of June 12, when I realize I missed the office deadline. PANIC struck, so I merely fixed the format of the draft and submitted the darned thing to my boss... BIG MISTAKE!!! As it turns out, the Memorandum was lacking in soooooooo many areas... So there. At 8am on June 14, I was seated in my boss' office and a sermon (I deserved as much) was delivered in my favor. Thankfully, we had a pending Motion with the court, so we had a valid reason for requesting for an extension of time to file the blasted Memorandum. Whew!

Second (and equally as stupid) blunder, I received an order from the Court of Tax Appeals denying admission of certain documents as evidence (Yes! Another damned tax case!!! My loooooooove for tax is haunting me! Hahaha). I looked at the ground for the denial and I saw that it was based on the fact that the said documents were not submitted to the court. Stupid me, instead of looking for the documents, just ignored the order and left it lying on my messy desk... Lo and behold, my boss asked for an update on the case... Let's just say, upon hearing my response, his reaction was... Errrrrr... Passionate... Very Passionate... It's so passionate that I'm dragging my silly ass to the CTA on Monday to check every piece of document in their possession, my being asthmatic notwithstanding... Hahaha.

In spite all these, I'm still enjoying my work. Yes, occasional blunders, "passionate reactions" and all, I still love my job. I just need to buy me a yummy Wagyu steak meal... or a really nice bag... or shoes... to nurse my badly damaged ego. Haha.

P.S. Many thanks to my blockmate, turned official nguynguyan, Mr. Baker! ;-) Alam kong hindi naman plinano na ikaw ang maging nguynguyan ko, but you live up to the challenge. Hehehe.

"Chief"

2007-06-14T22:15:00.000-07:00

"Good Afturhnewn, welcome to Marikina City Hall!"

The greeting from the ever-so-enthusiastic receptionist that used to brighten the otherwise boring PLEB afternoons my OLA partner and I spent in the Marikina City Hall. And now, that ever-so enthusiastic receptionist is working here in my office building as the head of lobby security (if there's such post. Haha.)

Every time I pass by the "chief" (as he is called by the people in the office) I always get a highly-energized greeting. (The greetings are soooo energized, the whole lobby can hear him. Hehehe.) Some of my officemates think he's annoying, but I think he's funny... Hell, our PLEB hearings in Marikina City Hall would have been exceptionally dreadful if it weren't for his animated greetings.

To chief, good afturhnewn to you too. ;-) Hehehe.

To unlove somebody...

2007-05-20T00:40:00.000-07:00

"How do you unlove a person?"

That's the text I got from my friend earlier today, and I was quite taken aback with his message. I didn't know what to say, and I didn't know exactly what he wanted to hear from me. The text, I concluded, was too vague to elicit a reply. I figured it was one of those "random thoughts" texts that didn't require a response, so I chose not reply. Hours later, I got another text from him saying, "I miss her." It was only at that point that I realized that my friend was having another one of his moments. Sigh. He's missing the girl who broke his heart. My heart went out to him. I wanted to text him something that would help him out of his pain. I know he is hurting right now. After all, he is in love with a person who is in love and is with somebody else. Ouch. I certainly don't want to be in his shoes...

So, I replied to him, "We decide on it, and we hope and pray that we get to stick to our choice."

I don't know if my text helped him, but I didn't know what else to say. I hope my text was as encouraging and optimistic as I wanted to be.

I know my friend's in for one tough battle. To unlove someone is not easy. There are numerous formidable forces (human emotions and memories, to name a few. In his case, 8 years worth of memories. Sigh.) to be dealt with; the reckoning of which is made all the more difficult by the fact that this choice is forced upon my friend by the circumstances that leave him with no other option (he certainly can't put his life on hold while the girl he's in love with is with someone else). The inherent difficulty of the situation makes the possibility of being unable to come out of it victorious all too real (yes, persons who remain hung up with their past loves in spite of so many changes in their lives are not unheard of). At the end of the day, I can only hope for the best for my friend. After all, in situations like this, what can we really do but hope and pray for the best?

The Heart of the Matter

2007-05-08T03:09:00.000-07:00


I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com/lyric/130612/India.arie+-+The+Heart+Of+The+Matter.html ]
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore
---------

Originally by Don Henley, but it's the India Arie version that I fell in love with. :-)

2007-05-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

The existence of forgetting has never been proved: We only know that some things don't come to mind when we want them.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.
-- Michel de Montaigne

---------
Soooooooooooooooo true...

2007-04-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

All I ask for is one day, just one day. Show me it's possible, and I'll be ok.

Laglagan na...

2007-04-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

A friend once asked me how I am able to cut-off certain people from my life. The answer is simple: self-preservation. Human instinct dictates that we protect ourselves from any form of pain and hurt. So in my book, hurting me badly would only mean one thing: laglagan na.

This is not to say that I easily quit on people, because I don't. It takes an enormous amount of pain before I do this. But yes, I am human, and I have my limits. Needless to say, when I've reached my tipping point there's no turning back. Laglagan na talaga and no amount of wooing will win me back.

Distance and why its good

2007-04-19T03:58:00.000-07:00

Some people just can't seem to understand the concept of healthy distance. I don't know if it's brought about by guilt or what, but some people just can't seem to stay away.

Case in point, a friend of mine had his heart badly broken by his girlfriend (now, ex-girlfriend) who dumped him for another guy. After almost a year since she broke up with him, the girl still keeps on making her presence felt with her regular "How are you?" texts and whatnots. I don't know if I'm from another generation or world altogether, but definitely, in a situation like this it would be better for the girl to just stay away and keep her distance. It is clear that she has made her choice not to be with my friend, so why not stick to that choice and just leave him alone?

Others might defend what she's doing and say that she's just being a friend. To that, this I say: CRAP! That is a very limited and shallow concept of friendship. Friendship, like love, is about wanting and doing what's best for the other regardless of the pain and discomfort. Friendship is NOT about staying close. What she's doing to my friend is not about friendship, its about guilt and selfishness. She is so consumed with guilt that's why she feels the need to check up on my friend. In her shallow mind, she's probably thinking that by asking him how he is and having dinners with him she's helping him cope with the pain she caused him. Hello! If only human emotions were that simple. As my dear friend once said, the source of pain cannot be the same source of comfort. She should deal with her guilt somewhere else and allow my friend to heal and move on without her. What she's doing is just so mean...

Classy Things to Say When Stressed

2007-04-18T19:52:00.000-07:00

1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!"

2. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing!"

3. "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"

4. "Well, this day was a total waste of make-up."

5. "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"

6. "Don't bother me! I'm living happily ever after."

7. "Do I look like a fucking people person?!"

8. "This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting!"

9. "I started out with nothing; still have most of it left."

10. "I pretend to work; they pretend to pay me."

11. "YOU! Off my planet!"

12. "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose."

13. "Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self control."

14. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."

15. "And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be?"

16. "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."

17. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."

18. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."

19. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"

20. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable."

21. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet."

22. "Back off! You're standing in my aura."

23. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."

24. "I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"

25. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."

26. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"

27. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."

28. "Wait! I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."

29. "Chaos, panic, and disorder---my work here is done."

30. "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."

31. "You look like shit. Is that the style now?"

32. "Earth is full. Go home."

33. "Aww, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"

34. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."

35. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."

36. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."

37. "If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport."

____
got this from my friend's blog. Thanks so much, Camillo! Kamusta na kayo ni Stelios? *mwah*

Absurd

2007-04-13T02:07:00.000-07:00

My friend (who happens to be a very good writer) just told me about this guy (a schoolmate of his) who copied parts of my friend's resume and posted it in his Multiply and Friendster accounts as his entry in the "About Me" section. Needless to say, the guy passed it off as his own.

Talk about absurd...

Negotiation is the way to go

2007-04-13T01:28:00.000-07:00

Thank God for negotiations! :-) My boss just informed me that I can "hold" working on the pleading I was slaving over for the past few days because they just started negotiations with the opposing party. Yes!!! I hope the negotiations turn out to be fruitful... ;-)

I'm on a high, on a high...

2007-04-04T02:15:00.000-07:00

thats me with Atty. Twoytwoy and Atty. Sexytime in front of the Supreme Court
(I just had to see my name on that list)

After six (6) long months of waiting, the list of bar passers was released last night (April 3, 2007, 7pm). Thankfully, my name was on the list... WOOHOO!!! :-)

I made it!!! I passed the bar exams!!! Yipee!!! *smiling from ear to ear* (I have been smiling this way since I found out I passed... :-) I'm on a high, on a high...)

To the people who kept me sane and mentally stable (you know who you are) during the hellish bar review season, I cannot thank you enough. To my friends and family, your prayers and support kept me afloat. Thank you so much! To the UP and Winlaw BarOps Team, many, many thanks. We wouldn't have survived without you guys.

Next stop: PICC for the oath taking... WOOHOO!!!

Rumors and the bar exams...

2007-03-17T02:34:00.000-07:00

It has always been like this. Rumors there, rumors here, rumors everywhere.

I consider myself to be a level-headed individual. During crunch time, I hardly get frazzled (allow me to borrow your favorite word, Maf) and I'm usually the calm one. Rumors barely bother me, as I'm a firm believer in cold, hard facts.

My preparation for the bar however, was a different ballgame altogether. Weirdly, almost every little rumor had me panicking (and there were at least a hundred rumors during that time! From the identity of the examiners to the coverage of the exams... You name it, and I'm sure there was a rumor about it). Needless to say, I had my fair share of panic attacks during that time (you can ask my friends who were bothered by my frantic text messages and phone calls). I must admit though, that relative to my fellow barristers, I would still be classified as "the calm one". Hehehe. :-)

Now, after almost 6 months, the rumors are once again starting. This time, the rumors are about the date of the release of the bar exam results (March 22, 23, 27, 29... ARGH!). A few weeks ago, I would be able to laugh this off. Unlike my other friends who've had panic attacks as early as October (we took the bar, September!), I've been calmly (a part of me is actually eager and excited) waiting for the release of the bar exam results. These past few days however, I can actually feel my heart beating quite fast. I don't know if this is the beginning of a panic surge, or a mere acknowledgment of the fact that the rumored dates are nearing. For sure, the dark cloud looming over every barrister's head is getting darker with each day, and after much waiting (and hoping and praying, in my case at least) we'll know if our dream of becoming a lawyer (childhood dream for me!) will become a reality or not...

College Friends (A fun survey from my baby bro..)

2007-03-17T00:09:00.000-07:00

Can you name 13 of ur friends in college that u can think of right off the top of your head. Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 13 people. This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first. No Cheating!!!

1. awee dacanay
2. daisy vargas
3. cheeky cristobal
4. chef borres
5. aileesa lim
6. sharon lu
7. ria caganda
8. pia oliveros
9. mike acaban
10. jehan lepail
11. nikki tablizo
12. simon lao
13. angie chong

*How did you meet 10?
Jehan-jehan shifted to LM from Econ. The lucky girl got assigned to our block. So yun...

*What would you do if you had never met 1?

Oh my. Awee is like a sister to me. She (and my other dear friends, of course) has kept me rock steady during difficult times. I'd be one big mess without her... I can't imagine life without her...

*What would you do if 6 and 2 date?

BWAHAHAHAHA. Daisy and Shalu? Unlikely couple... They're both heterosexuals, I don't think they'd go for each other. ;-) Hehehehe.

*Have you ever seen 4 cry?

Yes. There was even one time we were both crying in the Rizal Study Foyer... :-) Hehehehe.

*Do you think 10 is cute?
Cute? Not the best word to describe Jehan. Jehan's beautiful, not cute. There.

*How did you get to know 8?

She was my blockmate in English (B13!!!), then she shifted to LM (with lots of encouragement from me). The rest is history. :-)

*Would you ever go on a date with number 12?

Romantic date with Simon? I don't think so... But I'd have dinner and coffee with him any time. I adore Simon! One of sweetest guys around. :-)

*What's 7's Favorite color?

PINK!!! :-) I know for sure. If Ria had a choice, she'd be reincarnated as the Pink Power Ranger. :-)

*What would you do if 5 confessed he/she loved you?
I know Ailee loves me, and I love her. She's a dear friend, how can we not love each other? :-) (Right, ling? Baka kumontra ka, mapapahiya ako... :-P)

*Facts about 9:
1) He's 1/4 chinese, 1/4 español... (tama ba mike?)
2) He got suspended in grade 7 (as to why, go ask him)
3) He's a certified bading magnet

*Who is 4 going out with?
This guy from Rockwell, whom we have yet to meet... :-)

*What is number 5 to you?
She's a dear friend -- One of my sweetest, most thoughtful friends... :-)

* Would you ever live with 13?
Of course! ;-) Angie's one hell of a girl. I bet sobrang fun siya kasama.

*Is 2 single?
Unfortunately, yes. (Kasalanan nina Mike and Simon 'to! :-p)

*Where does 7 live?
She hails from Iriga, Bicol, but now (before she leaves for Delaware) she's staying with her brother in Alabang. :-)

*What do you think about 3?

She's one amazing girl-- smart and driven with the right amount of attitude and heart to boot... :-)

*What do you like about number 11?
She's a really, really sweet girl with not a single mean bone in her body. :-)

*Favorite Memory with 1?
OH MY. Super dami. I guess one favorite would be our lamon session in Don Henrico's-Libis (Aga Muhlach, hello! Hehehe.) Of course, I won't ever forget our Entablado days.... and our trip to Cebu last 2004. If I go into details, marami na sobra... :-) Hehehe.

*What's the nickname of 6?

Well, it's supposed to be Shalu. But I call her Talung (Why? Beats me!). :-) Hehehe.

*Describe 1:

A really complex individual. She can be as hard as a rock, or as soft and sweet as a marshmallow depending on the situation. One thing's for sure, you shouldn't hurt her friends, 'coz she'd run you over with her car if you do...

*Famous line of 7?
"I was sleeping like crazy."
"I was frazzled."

2007-03-09T22:00:00.000-08:00

Gerard Butler would have been a better James Bond. :-)

Just a thought

2007-03-09T08:21:00.000-08:00

Is it easy to move on? Is it easy to let go?

If not, how come some people expect moving on to be such an easy task? How come some people fault others who are somehow stuck in another place and time? How come some people throw around the words "letting go" and "moving on" as if it were as easy as learning the alphabet?

If it is actually easy, then maybe I'm the one with a different concept of letting go and moving on...

P.S. This is a delayed reaction to a comment posted in my friend's blog. I don't think I'm making sense here. I think I should gather my thoughts and make a better post, but for now, this will suffice. ;-) Hehehe.

Survey I got from my friend, Toie Bear

2007-03-07T09:58:00.000-08:00

1. what kind of first impression do you think people have when they first see you?
That I'm friendly? :-) Hehehe. I really don't know, but I've some friends who say they thought of me as aloof the first time they saw me... (I'm not! I swear!)

2. what's one thing you like to do alone?
Watch TV or Read a good book. :-)

3. what is your favorite line to say when bored?
Nothing. When I'm bored, no words come out from my mouth (this says a lot considering I am very, very talkative).

4. What movie(s) made you cry?
Hmmmmmmm... Iyakin ako sa movies eh. I cried in A Bug's Life! :-) hehehe. Well, recent ones I remember crying over are: Waking the Dead, Torch Song Trilogy and A Moment to Remember. One movie which had me bawling my eyes out is The Classic. :-)

6. do you ever have to beg?
Nope. Home pride, ma-pride ako eh. :-)

7. what kind of books do you like to read
I read all kinds of stuff, from the likes of CS Lewis to the likes of Judith McNaught, depending on my mood.

8. do you think you're cute?
Nope... I don't think cute would be a word to describe me. :-)

9. do you have a problem changing clothes in front of your friends?
Yep. :-) I have body issues...

10. favorite communication method?
Text Messaging! -- same here!

11. do you care?
Yes. Even when I shouldn't be caring anymore, I still do...

12. what do you eat when you raid the fridge at night?
I hardly eat at night. But the rare moments that I do, I go for chips or nuts. :-)

13. if you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
liposuction haha! =) -- same here! Tummy area to be more specific. :-)

15. describe your bed
big, comfortable enough -- ditto! :-)

16. spontaneous or planned?
I'd like to think I'm a planner, but my plans can change in a minute, so I guess I'm spontaneous... I don't think I'm making sense here... :-) Hehehe.

17. do you know how to play poker?
Yes, Texas Holdem!

18. what do you carry with you at all times?
Staples in my handbag are: Cellphone, Wallet, Hairbrush, and Hand Sanitizer

19. what do you miss most about being little?
the simple, mababaw things. no worries.-- I agree! I always say, I miss the simplicity of life as a kid... :-)

20. are you happy with your given name?
BWAHAHAHAHAHA :-) First name, okay pa... Second name, why oh why?!!!

21. how much would it take to give up the internet for 1 year?
1 year? A lot!!! A day nga lang nagkakaseparation anxiety na ako eh... ;-)

22. what color is your bedroom?
light yellow

23. have you ever been in a play?
Yep, in school. Didn't we all go through that? ;-)

24. do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
Like myself? Well, most of the time, yes... Believe in myself? Sometimes... But I wish I believed in myself all the time...

25. do homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you?
Yes, when they get too makulit... It really irks me when they touch me. I have a thing against strangers getting tactile with me...

26. do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
BWAHAHAHAHA. Oo naman... ;-) May kokontra? Hehehe.

27. what is your ideal marriage location?
Tapos na kasal ko, so moot na etong tanong na to.

28. whats one instrument you wish you could play?
Violin. :-)

29. something you like and hate?
lawschool!!! -- same here!!!

30. whats one language you want to learn?
French! Although I wish I pursued my minor in Spanish Studies. :-)

31. have you ever pierced your body parts?
my ears -- same here!

32. do you have any tattoos?
Nope! Never!

34. whats one trait you hate in a person?
I hate it when people are duplicitous.

35. do you consider yourself materialistic?
Well, I find pleasure in a lot of worldly things... So I guess to a certain extent, yes. Heehee. :-)

36. what do you cook best?
Pomodoro pasta. :-)

37. do you cry in front of your friends?
very rarely. once or twice pa lang. -- same here! Although certain people have seen me cry several times... ;-) Heehee.

38. do you miss a friend right now?
Of course. Intensely... :-(

39. ideal place to live?
Makati! Near my favorite malls and restos! :-)

40. biggest wish?
To make all my dreams come true... :-)
I'm a perpetual dreamer...

Closer

2007-03-05T10:41:00.001-08:00

Fell in love with the song the moment I listened to it. :-)

What If You

2007-03-05T10:30:00.000-08:00

What if you
Could wish me away
What if you
Spoke those words today
I wonder if you'd miss me
When I'm gone
It's come to this, release me
I'll leave before the dawn
But for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you
But when the sun hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do
What if you
Could hear this song
What if I
Felt like I belong
I might not be leaving so soon
Began the night believing
I loved you in the moonlight
So, for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you
But when the sun hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do
I could've treated you better
Better than this
Well, I'm gone, this song's your letter
Can't stay in one place
So, for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you
But when the sun hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do

**********
One of my favorite songs by Joshua Radin

Back to Iyengar

2007-03-01T21:24:00.000-08:00

Last Wednesday, I was invited by my friend Awee to do Iyengar yoga with her. Since I am not really busy these days, I agreed to go with her. After all, this would be my third time (or fourth, I'm not really sure) to do yoga with her. I was thinking, how hard can it get, right? I survived my other sessions, and as long as they won't make me do headstands, I'll be fine.

So Awee and I went to LKG Tower where the classes are held. We got there at around 5:45pm, since classes for Wednesday don't start until 6:30pm, we had more than enough time to change into our yoga attire (shorts!). After changing, Awee and I went inside the studio... Lo and Behold! Nobody else was there except me, Awee, the instructor and the secretary. Great! For a beginner like me (actually pseudo-beginner, since I attended two or three of their classes last year. Hehehe.), a really small class of three (3) isn't at all encouraging. That would mean greater scrutiny and more work... At that point, I was already beginning to feel pangs of cowardice, but I kept my poise and just kept telling myself, basta walang headstand, ok lang yan...

Awee and I went to our place in the room and set-up our area for class. We were quietly talking when Ameh (I dunno if I spelled her name right) walked in. Thank God! Nadagdagan kami. After setting-up her place, Ameh introduced herself to me and joined in on our conversation. In the course of it, she matter-of-factly says "Inversions daw tayo ngayon ah." I asked Awee if inversions meant what I thought it meant. She didn't outrightly answer, but she gave me this smile, this mischievous, wicked cum sympathetic smile... And I knew... I knew my worst yoga fears were coming true... WE WERE DOING HEADSTANDS!!! Waaaaaah!!! I was ready to pack-up and leave when the instructor (Popi) walked in and said we were going to start the class. Uh-oh... Too late. I can't leave now. And so I stayed... And stayed... And stayed... And stayed... And finished the entire session...

Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I imagined. Actually, it wasn't bad at all. Popi was a very understanding teacher; she understood my limitations as a beginner and did not force me to do things beyond my body's capacity. She provided much-needed encouragement for me to try my best. She helped me with the poses when she saw I was not executing them properly (even if at times, she couldn't help but laugh at how I was screwing up the pose. Hehe).

All in all, going back to Iyengar was fun. I enjoyed my yoga session in spite of my fear of headstands. And even if my muscles ache all over, I intend to make a weekly thing out of this (wala na akong excuse not to do yoga, last year I had the bar as an excuse). Yoga makes me feel rejuvenated and relaxed. It has this wonderful calming effect on me (similar to what I feel after a massage) that I just love... And if I end up with a vavavoom figure, that would be a very welcome bonus! :-)

On Pacquiao

2007-02-27T17:44:00.000-08:00

For the past few days, I've been ranting to my friend, Ailee about Pacquiao and his stupid political plans. I was not particularly happy when Pacquiao announced his intention to run for congress (this is putting it mildly, my texts to Ailee were less subdued).

I hate the fact that a particularly shameless politician (slash mayor, slash presidential pet, slash floral shirt junkie) from Manila is taking advantage of Pacquiao's naivety (or stupidity, depending on my mood). This politician, who labeled himself as Pacquiao's political adviser, injected useless crap into the boxer's puny brain and convinced him to run for congress, when he should have known better. Hello! To begin with, Pacquiao shouldn't have a political adviser! He is a BOXER, not a politician.

To justify Pacquiao's political plans, some of his supporters claim that he is the much needed unifying factor for our country. They say that he unifies us in a way like no other. Fine. I must admit, Pacquiao does unify the nation. But he does this only when he goes inside the boxing ring to fight against a foreigner. Of course, we would be unified in that sense. Hello! When a fellow Filipino's up against a non-FIlipino, instinct would dictate that we cheer for our fellow Filipino. It's that simple. His supporters would like to make it seem more profound, but it really is as simple as that. Try pitting Pacquiao against another high-profile Filipino boxer, and all claims of unity will go down in flames.

What makes the whole thing bearable (I guess) is the fact that I am not alone. A lot of Filipinos have reacted negatively towards Pacquiao's political ambition. The incident in Cebu (where spectators booed Pacquiao) is proof that Filipinos aren't as stupid and naive as some would like to think. Even if we're the nation that elected Joseph Estrada into office, some crap (like Pacquiao running for congress) is just too nonsensical to take even for us Filipinos.

It is also frustrating to see that Manny is too darned stupid (or naive, again, depending on my mood) to see what really is happening-- these politicians (the one from Manila in particular) are just taking advantage of him. These politicians don't think Pacquiao can legislate. They don't think he has the skills for public office. They just want to ride on his popularity. This was made crystal clear when the politician from Manila immediately released a statement after the Cebu incident saying he actually discouraged Manny from pursuing his political plans... Yeah, right! A futile attempt to save face. That's that. And Pacquiao, who is too busy basking in his glory, cannot see this even if it stares him in the face.

Point is, Pacquiao should stay in boxing. That's where he belongs. Humility and common sense should teach him to stick to the field that has given him all the fame and glory. But then again, maybe asking for humility and common sense is asking too much already...

2007-02-26T20:34:00.000-08:00

Don't you just hate it when a memory creeps its way into your consciousness, then lingers long enough to stir you out of your current state and evoke some sort of emotion? And you know, you just know, that for the rest of the day, you'll never be the same...

2007-02-21T22:46:00.000-08:00

You and me, me and you
There’s so much that we’ve been through,
through it all I’ve come to understand Gods love.
And if tomorrow never comes
know this twice, just know this once.
Knowing you has made me able to go on.

You and me, me and you
There couldn’t be a better two,
to be blessed and know the meaning of true love.
And if you leave me I feel scared,
fall apart so unprepared.
But I dare to make it through all on my own.
Yes I dare to make it through on my own.

You and Me, by Rosie Thomas

"Other Side Of The World"

2007-02-19T08:17:00.000-08:00

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water

The fires fade away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

The fires fade away

Can you help me
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore

The fires fade away

Other Side Of The World

2007-02-16T23:29:00.001-08:00

Jung Woo Sung

2007-02-14T00:07:00.000-08:00

My new crush... *sigh* I've been watching Korean movies lately, and ended up watching two of his films (A Moment to Remember, Daisy). Now, I think he is a Korean god of sorts... *blush* Hehehe. I swear he's so cute... :-)

I guess at this point, I better stop saying I don't find singkit men attractive... Hahahahaha.

Why?

2007-02-13T17:39:00.000-08:00

When I checked my phone this morning, I saw that a bunch of people texted me Valentine's Day greetings. Sorry folks, but you're texting a non-believer here. I don't mean to sound like a party pooper, but I don't really see the reason for the fuss over Valentine's day (to me, it's just a product of consumerism).

What are we supposed to celebrate? Love? Well, if it's supposed to be love, shouldn't we be celebrating love everyday? Shouldn't our lives be a celebration of love? Idealistic, I know... But really, why are we celebrating Valentine's day?

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

2007-02-12T08:09:00.001-08:00

They asked me how I knew
My true love was true
Oh, I of course replied
Something here inside cannot be denied

They said someday you'll find
All who love are blind
Oh, when your heart's on fire
You must realize
Smoke gets in your eyes

So I chaffed them and I gaily laughed
To think they could doubt my love
Yet today my love has flown away
I am without my love

Now laughing friends deride
Tears I can not hide
Oh, so I smile and say
When a lovely flame dies
Smoke gets in your eyes
Smoke gets in your eyes

****
Beautiful, beautiful song. :-)

Cannonball

2007-02-12T00:35:00.001-08:00

The video I posted earlier is now unavailable. Thankfully, I found a different, and even better music video of the same song.

I think this is the acoustic version. :-) Hay, I love this song...

A Valentine Offering... HAHAHA :-)

2007-02-11T22:35:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been in love?

Horrible isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up.

You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness,so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts.
Not just in the imagination.
Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

Nothing should be able to do that.
Especially not love.

I hate love.

- rose walker, THE SANDMAN (neil gaiman)

******
This was originally posted by a batchmate of mine in Friendster. I reposted it here not because I totally agree with it but because I believe there is some truth to it...

Yes, love can hurt. I believe however that the beauty of love lies in this possibility of great pain.

Isn't it amazing when the person you love--the same person who has wandered into your walls and made you vulnerable, the same one who can easily break your heart into tiny little pieces and cause you "real, gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart" pain--chooses to lovingly take care of you? Isn't it beautiful when a person to whom the power of inflicting great pain has been given chooses not to exercise such and does the exact opposite? This, to me, is the beauty of love-- when another person is protected and shielded from immense pain by the very same person who is given the sole power to inflict such pain.

I swear, I am still very much a romantic! :-) Hehehe. (Judge me not, Ling... Hahahaha.)

My buns! My buns!

2007-02-10T00:18:00.000-08:00

After days of running after the seemingly-elusive Delifrance coffee buns, fate finally gave in and allowed us meet...

It started with a meeting...

I was supposed to meet a friend in Starbucks-Greenbelt 1 noontime yesterday. I was there on time (naks!), but he, who was supposed to be in the area, was nowhere in sight. I was getting a bit bored and restless after my 10-minute stay in Starbucks so I decided to text him and tell him that I'd meet him in Delifrance instead. I thought it would be better to spend my time finding my buns instead of just sitting in Starbucks...

And as fate would have it... I found my buns!:-)

The moment I reached Delifrance's counter, I saw them... My beautifully tanned buns! I immediately lined up to buy... One? Two? A box? After shortly deliberating on it, I decided to buy just a couple. Two would be just right. It would be enough satisfy my craving without going overboard on carbs (I am, after all, trying to shed a few pounds). The buns looked so delicious, I was tempted to eat them as soon as the cashier handed them to me, but I resisted... I couldn't eat them in haste. Everything has to be right...

So I patiently waited and went about my day, eagerly anticipating my Delifrance coffee bun experience.

Finally! I got home. I wasted no time and immediately reheated the buns (45 seconds in the toaster, I was told) and ate them... Yummy! The bread was soft and the center had a buttery consistency that was just perfect. The coating had the right amount of texture and coffee taste that made the whole coffee bun experience complete... Oh, the delight! :-)

I finished my buns in less than 12 hours (so much for cutting on carbs!) and had more bought today... I guess it's safe to say I won't be losing weight anytime soon. Hahahaha. :-)

2007-02-09T23:40:00.000-08:00

It is a restless moment.
She has kept her head lowered,
to give him a chance to come closer.
But he could not, for lack of courage.
She turns and walks away.

That era has passed.
Nothing that belonged to it exists any more.

He remembers those vanished years.
As though looking through a dusty window pane,
the past is something he could see, but not touch.
And everything he sees is blurred and indistinct.

- in the mood for love.

The Blower's Daughter

2007-02-07T19:39:00.001-08:00

I just had to post this. Beautiful song... Beautiful Video... What more can I ask for?

Ranting...

2007-02-06T07:47:00.000-08:00

Somebody once close to me said that I rant quite often. Well, considering the number of things that had my blood pressure shoot up this week, I guess he was right...

So allow me to rant big time, and make a list of the things that annoyed me the past few days. I really just need to get this out of my system. Otherwise, I'd be breeding negative energies, and that's against my life philosophy. Hehehe.

Mike Defensor's Political Ad. Geez!!! It's a dumb, useless, uninformative ad. To those of you who are fortunate enough not to have seen it, I'll describe it to you: It starts with a girl (I think it's Keanna Reeves) and a Manny Pacquiao lookalike calling out 'tol 'tol 'tol to Mike Defensor. He then dramatically looks back and waves to them. After, the girl and the guy in unison call out: Mike Defensor, Mike Defensor. He looks back and smiles. The camera then focuses on his face, and after a few seconds, out comes the text: 'tol, Mike Defensor. Argh! Annoying! How is that supposed to help the voters?! Whatever happened to platform and credentials?! I'm sorry if I had to describe the darned thing, but it was a necessary evil to get my point across. Hehehe.
Mike Arroyo's stint at the House of Representatives. The man married to the president (I can't call him the First Gentleman, I don't think he's deserving of the title) is a disgrace. That episode with Alan Peter Cayetano just validates the fact that he is just that... A disgrace. One thing is for sure, I am from the Ateneo and I am ashamed of you, Mike Arroyo.
Richard Gomez's Belo Ad. Along Edsa-Guadalupe is a billboard of Richard Gomez advertising the Belo Medical Group. What baffles me though is the text. It says: One Hope, One Vision, One Nation. Somebody, please explain to me how this promotes the Belo Medical Group!!! Geez. I've never been a fan of Richard Gomez (I think he's one conceited, self-righteous wannabe), but if he has political ambitions (which I think is quite obvious from the Belo Ad) why can't he be upfront about it?!!! I can at least give that much credit to Mike Defensor.
Gretchen Barretto. God! The woman can't seem to keep her mouth shut! This thing with Lani Mercado just proves one thing: Money can't buy class.
Coffee Buns. Actually, this didn't make my blood pressure rise, but I got a bit of a letdown yesterday when I couldn't find Delifrance's Coffee Buns in Glorietta. *sigh* Lori featured the coffee buns in her blog a few days ago, and since then I've been craving for them. Hmmmmmmm... I guess I'll just have to crave for a few more days...

Well, that's enough ranting for now. I hope I won't be ranting for a few more months. Hehehe. ;-)

Some quote

2007-02-06T07:42:00.000-08:00

"In the end only three things matter: how fully you lived, how deeply you loved, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."

I think this quote sums up the important things in life quite beautifully.

Samson

2007-02-04T11:08:00.001-08:00

This song captivated me the first time I listened to it. The melody and the lyrics (especially the lines "You are my sweetest downfall... I loved you first...") were just too much to resist that I ended up buying my first ever CD, Begin to Hope by Regina Spektor. Thankfully I didn't end up regretting the purchase as the album turned out great. The song selection was beautiful (for lack of a better term) and I ended up loving several songs in the collection ("Fidelity" and "On the Radio" come to mind). Regina Spektor is truly a gifted artist, and one thing's for sure... She has a fan in me. ;-)

The perfect song :-)

2007-01-27T23:49:00.000-08:00

Free In you by the Indigo Girls

A hard knock
A cold clock
Ticking off my time
A long look
But no luck
Couldn't seem to find
Or unwind
Into peace of mind
While I was trying

A quick glance
A big chance
My heart beat like a drum
I saw you
And I knew
Chances just don't come
Round again
Not like this
First a laugh
Then a kiss

And I'm free in you
I've got no worries on my mind
I know what to do
That's to treat you right
And love you kind
Thank you ever on my mind
Love is just like breathing
When it's true
And I'm free in you

The lost time
And self pride
Are my big mistakes
A clear voice
A bad choice
Sounding like an ache
In my day
Not too bad
But too real
To go away

But now I'm free in you
I've got no worries on my mind
I know what to do
That's to treat you right
And love you kind
Thank you ever on my mind
Love is just like breathing
When it's true
And I'm free in you

And I don't know
How you show
Such gentle disregard
For the ugly in me
That I see
That for so long
I took so hard
(I took so hard)
And I truly believe
(I truly believe)
That you see the best in me
(That you see the best in me)
I'm in love
We all love
And that thought
Sets me free

Free in you
Got no worries on my mind
I know what to do
That's to treat you right
And love you kind
Thank you ever on my mind
Love is just like breathing
When it's true
And I'm free in you
Yes I'm free in you

P.S. Anybody know how to upload an mp3 player in blogger? ;-)

Just a survey I got from Camillo's blog :-)

2007-01-27T11:15:00.000-08:00

When was the last time you got drunk?
Tipsy... Not drunk, November 22, 2006 at around 1am... Many thanks to Jose Cuervo. (I never learn... I swore off Tequila after that drunken night in Camiguin but I guess the temptation's too hard to resist. Hehehe.)

What's your favorite style of socks?
Thin, almost stocking-like, black socks... For my boots! :-)

One big gift or a bunch of little gifts?
Hmmmmmm... It depends. I'm the queen of small-things, but every once in a while, a grand gesture is appreciated.

When is your birthday?
November... I'm a Saguittarian.

Who's your best friend?
None... I can't choose just one. What I do have though is a bunch of really good friends.

Do you like energy drinks?
Ugh! I don't drink them... Yucky stuff!

When was the last time you went to a carnival or a fair?
December 2004 -- Enchanted Kingdom, and we got stuck in horrible traffic going home (read: left Enchanted Kingdom at 10pm got home in Sampaloc at almost 5am)

Do you like upside down rollercoasters?
Nope. I always tell my adrenalin-junkie friends "Log jam pa lang nga, tumitirik na puso ko."

Have you ever witnessed/been in a wet t-shirt contest?
Nope, nope. ;-)

What's your favorite kind of chips?
I can't choose... I love them all: Lays Salt and Vinegar, Lays Sour Cream and Onion, Baked Doritos, Pringles Regular and Cheetos.

What's your favorite aquatic creature?
Eh? Ariel, the Little Mermaid. HAHAHA.

Ever drive your car on a sidewalk?
I don't know how to drive. ;-)

Would you rather bake brownies or cookies?
Cookies... I loooooooooove cookies. Yumyumyum...

What's your favorite coffee flavour?
Oooooh... I can't choose. In Starbucks, it's White Chocolate Mocha (no whipped!); in Coffee Bean, it's Vanilla Latte (NSA, please...) and Ice Blended Dulce de Leche (which was available only for the Holidays! ARGH!!!) and in Seattle's Best, it's Black and White Mocha (non-fat, no whipped!).

Do you own a knife?
Hmmmm... I think I got a cutlery set as a wedding present. So, yes.

How many scars do you have on your body that are non-surgical?
One on the right side of my left hand, a product of a childhood accident; and a chicken pox scar on the left side of my face. So, two. :-(

What is one turn-off about someone you are interested in?
Well... I have one crush at the moment, and I've seen him only once, so I can't say... And I really can't be genuinely interested in anyone 'coz I've been out of the market since 1998. :-)

What is one turn-ON about someone you are interested in?
HAHAHAHA. His disarming smile, and wickedly boyish charms. Plus! He is the master of succession! Impressive. ;-) Peace, Tatang! :-) Hehehehe.

Do you own a fish?
Nope.

Do you think there's other life in the universe?
Definitely. Scientists claim there are millions of solar systems out there. There has to be some form of life in those solar systems. :-)

Do you sleep with your bedroom door open?
Door closed. If I'm really tired, door locked. :-)

Are you the type who can sleep anywhere if need be?
Well, not really anywhere... But I've found myself asleep in Coffee Shops several times-- The price of being a law student. Hehehe. :-)

What are you mostly addicted to?
For now, downloading my favorite TV shows and movies from the net, Chef Tony's White Chocolate Walnut Popcorn and Coke Light.

Are you supposed to be doing something else instead of this survey?
Yes, sleeping. It's almost 4am. Hehehe. :-)

What will your wedding song be?
I got married already... :-)

How many times do you say "fuck" a day?
I hardly use the "F" word unless I'm really upset or startled. ;-)

What's your most-used swear word?
P.I. and I think I've exhausted my use of that word for five lifetimes... Hehehe.

Do you fear death?
Nope, what I do fear however is being unprepared for my death, i.e. an unused life.

What's your favorite video game?
Well, I enjoy playing Tekken in the PSP. That's a video game, right?

Are you currently dating someone?
Yes... The mister!

Do you like to play football with your friends?
Huwat?! Me? Football? :-) HAHAHAHA.

Do you like big crowds?
Generally no. I hate it when the crowd is so big that my personal space gets invaded. I make an exception however for the huge crowd that gathers during Ateneo-La Salle games, that huge crowd, I love! (Oooooooh... I'm getting excited for this coming UAAP season...)

When was the last time you checked the time?
Just now. 3:50 am.

How bored are you, exactly?
Ask me that when the sun's out and I would say, Super Duper Mega Bored. :-) hehehe.

One True Love vs. One Great Love

2007-01-25T21:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, over yummy, yummy dessert in Old Spaghetti House (read: warm colossal chocolate chip walnut cookie topped with vanilla ice cream drizzled with chocolate syrup), my friend and I got to talk about love (yes, that cheesy thing we call love) and the concept of One True Love. My friend says that she does not believe in One True Love. She claims that we love in phases and for this reason, the fact that love ended doesn't make it less true. I agree with her on this one. All our loves are true, whether they end or not, they're real. What we felt during the time we loved is as true as true can get, and the fact that at some point that changed and ended doesn't make it untrue.

What I do believe in however, is the concept of One Great Love (I am still very much a romantic *sigh*). That love so intense, no words can fully capture its essence. So powerful, it defies reason and spins our world out of orbit. A love so great that all our other loves pale in comparison. Yes, cheesy and unreal as it may seem, I believe in this.

To be able to feel and experience this kind of love is grace in itself, because sadly, not everyone gets to feel a love like this. Even more blessed are the few lucky ones who are loved in return by their One Great Love. To love and be loved by your One Great Love is an even rarer (is there such word?) gift. To experience that even for a while is already amazing. And yes, there are the extremely exceptional ones who end up with their One Great Love... Now, that's just heaven on earth.

Beautiful Sadness

2007-01-24T08:39:00.000-08:00

After listening to Jane Olivor's Beautiful Sadness, a good friend of mine said that this song would make a depressed person suicidal. True. This song is quite intense and every time I listen to it, I can actually feel my chest tighten. But I love it... It's a break-up song like no other...

P.S. I tried to look for the lyrics, but to no avail. I only got the first few lines which goes:

Just because it's over
Doesn't mean it didn't happen
Doesn't mean it wasn't beautiful
Even with the pain

You're lovely to remember
xxx

My Short-Term Goal

2007-01-24T07:03:00.000-08:00

The Louis Vuitton Papillon 30

Ain't she a beauty? What my heart desires is actually the smaller version, the Papillon 26. Come to think of it, 30, 26, it doesn't matter. It's beautiful. *sigh*

Mad World

2007-01-23T00:56:00.001-08:00

The moment I heard the song, I fell in love with it. It was originally by Tears for Fears, but it was the Michael Andrews (feat. Gary Jules) version that conquered my heart. Luckily, I found a video which features such version.
*********

MAD WORLD

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tommorow, no tommorow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which Im dying
Are the best Ive ever had
I find it hard to tell you
cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
Its a very, very
Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

Just want to share

2007-01-22T10:27:00.000-08:00

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin."

I totally agree. ;-)

At Peace with the Cosmos

2007-01-22T08:25:00.000-08:00

2006 was quite a challenging year for me. Not only because I had to take the dreaded bar exams, but because I had to overcome a few unexpected bumps on the road. I'd like to say I'm better than ever, but to say so would be to undermine the intensity of the emotional rollercoaster that I went through. In due time, I'd be able to honestly say that, but for now, it is enough that I'm fine and that I'm at peace with the cosmos.

Allow me to share a few insights I've learned from my experiences last year.

All is grace. Everything is grace. The pain, the hurt, the laughter, the joy, the love, the friendship… Everything! It’s grace. All our experiences define our person, and every new experience enriches the person that we already are. So welcome every experience and look at it with gratitude, it is an opportunity for self-improvement and growth.
Love and Selfishness are mutually exclusive terms. Real love is selfless. It should force us look beyond ourselves and should prompt us to make the right choices and do the right things.
Acceptance is the key to happiness. Life does not and will not give us everything that we want. It is up to us to accept the life that we have and to find happiness in that.
The truth, always. This, to me, is the cornerstone of every decent human relationship. A relationship not founded on the truth is as good as nothing. A line from the show Brothers & Sisters sums it up beautifully, "The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life's too short for lies." If the truth isn't there at the outset, it's never too late to come clean. Just remember, the mantra is: The truth, always.
Faith, Friends and Family. No challenge is too big armed with the right kind of friends, a loyal family and a strong sense of faith.

To 2007, this I have to say: Bring it on! :-)

Gretchen Barretto's Pantene Ad

2007-01-16T19:23:00.000-08:00

In the new Pantene ad, Gretchen Barretto says "Each time I use it, mas nagiging glossy my hair."

Geez. *rolling my eyes*

I shall not say more. I think the thing speaks for itself.

Loving Leo more

2007-01-15T09:30:00.000-08:00

I just watched Blood Diamond, and I must say, my boy Leo rocked! :-)

I've endured years of teasing from my friends (some of whom claim that Leo's acting is mediocre at best), but with Blood Diamond, my boy redeemed me! He has shown his gift as an actor. His performance in Blood Diamond as the emotionally-calloused Danny Archer was powerful and convincing without being over-the-top. He played the role so naturally that I forgot it was Leo Dicaprio onscreen (this says a lot considering the guy makes my heart beat five times faster at the mere sight of him).

Schoolgirl crush aside, Leo did well in Blood Diamond, and I hope he wins an Oscar for this one. He deserves it.

P.S.
The movie is a really good watch. It gives the viewers a glimpse of the Civil War that ensued in Sierra Leone over the so-called conflict diamonds.

A taste of Role Reversal

2007-01-10T20:59:00.000-08:00

Before sleeping, my little boy usually demands (yes, he demands) one of three things from me-- embrace, which means I hug him to sleep; holding hands, which means I hold his little hand until he's asleep; and arms, which means he sleeps in my arms. Even if it means keeping still until he drifts off to sleep, I gladly yield to his nightly requests. I don't know what it is about me that lulls him to sleep, but whenever I'm there (doing whatever it is he requested) he falls asleep in no time.

Last night, I had a bit of difficulty sleeping. I was tossing and turning for what seemed like hours, and I still couldn't bring myself to sleep. At around 4am, I was getting tired of being awake, so I sat up and looked around me. To my left, I saw my little boy peacefully asleep, hugging his pillow. I stared at my little angel for a while then went back down to bed. This time, I took his soft, small hand in mine.

I don't know what it is about his hand that made me sleep, but that night, whatever comfort he finds in me almost every night, I found in him. That night, more than exhaustion, fatigue and weariness, it was my little boy's hand that lulled me to sleep...

For a while by Nina Simone

2007-01-09T09:33:00.000-08:00

For a while is definitely one of the saddest songs I've listened to.

************
Lost in day to day,
Turned another way
With a laugh, a kind hello
And some small talk with friends I know
I forget that I'm not over you for a while.

A wave, an easy grin,
A smile to put them in,
Got other lives to listen to
And some music that I have to do
I forget that I'm not over you for a while.

Days go by with no empty feeling,
Until I touch my hair and touch my skin
And remember you're gone.

People say to me, "hey Nina do you need some company?
When you have some time to spend,
Drop around-you need your friends."
They forget that I'm not over you for a while,
They forget that I'm not over you for a while.

A bit of good news :-)

2007-01-09T07:04:00.000-08:00

I just learned from my cousin that a notoriously sleazy professor issued a public apology (it was published in a local newspaper) to his former student whom he was harassing. Thank goodness! There is semblance of justice in this world. Now I'm just hoping he does the same thing to the girl he was (I'm hoping the harassment stopped after we graduated) from my school.

Allow me to clarify something, when I say harass I don't mean sexually harass in a physical sense. It's just that this particular professor has a nasty habit of spreading awful lies (read: STDs, alleged affairs with him, sex videos) about female students who are unfortunate enough to catch his sleazy eye. I can just imagine how those women felt. Well... I'm really happy he issued the apology. The girl definitely deserves it. Again, I'm hoping he does the same thing to the girl from my school. My schoolmate deserves an apology too.

On anger and then some...

2007-01-08T02:20:00.000-08:00

Earlier today, I was talking to a friend. He was concerned with the anger that he felt towards his ex. Actually, the whole time we were talking, he kept using the word init (which means hate in our dialect). But I’d like to think that he didn’t mean hate in the truest sense of the word to describe whatever it is he feels for his ex. Knowing my friend, he really didn’t mean hate. I think what he feels is somewhere between anger and hatred. However, for lack of a term, I shall call it anger. I am reserving the word hate for really grave situations like shoulder pads and the tsunami hairstyle from the 80’s. Anything less than that, the word anger will suffice, hate is such a strong word one can’t just throw it around.

Anyway, back to my friend, he was asking me if it is alright for him to feel that way towards someone he loved (he claims he doesn’t love her anymore, for his sake, I hope he’s telling the truth).

I was a bit surprised that he asked me that. Of course, it is alright for him to feel angry. I mean, hello! His heart was broken into tiny little pieces, surely he is entitled to his anger.

What is it about anger that makes us so uncomfortable with it? Anger may bring out the monsters in us, but I've always been a believer that feeling angry is part of a healthy emotional make-up. I think a person who has never felt angry at one point in his life is emotionally-unstable.

I am not advocating angst here, ok? A distinction must be drawn between healthy anger and unhealthy anger. A person who is plain angry, for no apparent reason is emotionally-unstable as well. But for my friend, who had his heart broken by his girlfriend for 8 years, you my dear, are feeling a bit of healthy anger. So yes, it's perfectly fine for you to feel that way towards her. Accept your anger, recognize it's there and deal with it. Hopefully, after a while anger will turn to forgiveness and after that healing will follow. A wise man once told me that the path to healing and forgiving includes anger. I guess it is because of this that feeling angry for a reason and once in a while is part of a good emotional make-up.

To my heartbroken friend, something good will come out of this. Just wait for the silver lining, it will come. :-)

I am finally blogging...

2007-01-07T13:18:00.000-08:00

My dear friend Ling will be so happy that I'm finally blogging.

Over a year ago (I think), she invited me to blog and I told her that I'm a reader not a writer, hence the non-appeal of blogging to me. But then again, things change, and I saw that blogging can help me in three ways. First, writing is therapeutic. It gives me the venue to air out my angst and whatnot. Second, I am still an unemployed bum and this would be a good way to keep myself busy. Lastly, this is a way for me to improve my writing skills, which to me are mediocre. My chosen profession demands that I must at least have good writing skills, so, here I am... Blogging... Hoping that this will help me write better and maybe, just maybe, be better... In more ways than one. :-)

Good luck to me. ;-)

***Note to Ling, your guidance will certainly help.